Are we in a gay sports bar?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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