Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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