What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
