I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
