EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
