Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
