i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
