i wish there were pregnant emoticons
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
