wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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