sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
