someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
