So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
