there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
