you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
