I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
