Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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