I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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