Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
