now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
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