I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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