So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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