Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Randomize
Follow @tfln