Texts From Last Night

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  (323): View more from California

  I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.

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  (323): I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache. http://tfl.nu/t0k5
  Replies (13) Good night (5752) Bad night (665)
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  (818): View more from California

  apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"

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  (818): apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today" http://tfl.nu/nsmf
  Replies (20) Good night (6564) Bad night (2423)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?

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  (803): If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right? http://tfl.nu/9kx0
  Replies (22) Good night (4315) Bad night (1671)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.

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  (913): When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking. http://tfl.nu/uh2g
  Replies (14) Good night (1204) Bad night (4577)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN

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  (513): As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN http://tfl.nu/wx6s
  Replies (7) Good night (2506) Bad night (614)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.

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  (585): Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary. http://tfl.nu/sahm
  Replies (8) Good night (1889) Bad night (956)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.

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  (902): So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend. http://tfl.nu/e1lt
  Replies (5) Good night (2583) Bad night (561)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro

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  (404): I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro http://tfl.nu/8m8i
  Replies (5) Good night (1170) Bad night (621)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.

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  (260): Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office. http://tfl.nu/3hhh
  Replies (4) Good night (1534) Bad night (623)
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  (714): View more from California

  She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?

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  (714): She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what? http://tfl.nu/cv8q
  Replies (53) Good night (1171) Bad night (5152)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point

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  (205): I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point http://tfl.nu/73b4
  Replies (15) Good night (678) Bad night (2273)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I'd cum for enchiladas.

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  (850): I'd cum for enchiladas. http://tfl.nu/lnb5
  Replies (2) Good night (557) Bad night (294)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.

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  (305): I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon. http://tfl.nu/f8kn
  Replies (1) Good night (909) Bad night (326)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.

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  (479): It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes. http://tfl.nu/bp5y
  Replies (0) Good night (396) Bad night (226)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.

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  (405): And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere. http://tfl.nu/68wk
  Replies (0) Good night (504) Bad night (376)

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