we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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