I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies