i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
