I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
two words...techno handjob
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
