i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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