Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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