the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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