u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just high enough for therapy.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
