I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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