She is in my trunk
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
