So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
