I just saw a hot homeless man
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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