You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
