Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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