the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
