just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
