Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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