Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
