So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
be right there i have to get my cape
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
