Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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