Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I got inside last night via doggy door
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
