Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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