i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
