Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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