It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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