you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
