just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
