yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
