We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
