I love black thongs
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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