Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
