Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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