TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
