well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You need a sexual gate keeper
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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