i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize