thus making me awesome and them whores
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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