He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
