A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
