Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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