Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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