You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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