Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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