im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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