mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
