Do you still have your period?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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