Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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