The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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